


Welcome to Gravity Falls

by Waistcoat35



Category: Gravity Falls, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Idk who the narrator/radio person who's meant to be Cecil is yet, My first crossover so please judge lightly, Narrative format, Not sure why I did this but okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11680203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waistcoat35/pseuds/Waistcoat35
Summary: The future is here, 100 feet above Greasy's Diner. (Welcome to Night Vale and Gravity Falls crossover-ish. Same broadcast style, different town.)





	Welcome to Gravity Falls

A friendly valley community where the sun is hot, the moon is watching us and tall figures leap from roof to roof as we all attempt to sleep.   
Welcome to Gravity Falls.

The town board has announced the spontaneous sprouting of a new small forest just past the cemetery, off to the right. I have been asked to remind everybody that citizens are not allowed in the forest. Tourists are not allowed in the forest. Small figures in pointed hats have been seen on the outskirts of the forest. Do not approach them. Do not approach the forest.  
Cemetery/funeral home proprietors Greg and Janice Valentino have reported finding teeth marks on gravestones and jam-covered handprints on their trash cans. Do not approach the forest by the cemetery, for fear of ending up buried in it rather than walking through it.

And now, the news.

Stanford Pines, owner of the Mystery Shack, (out near the used car lot) claims that several Moth Men revealed themselves to him last night when he found them standing in his back yard as though transfixed by his porch light. He says they were ten feet tall, had luminous yellow eyes the size of footballs, and each dissolved into a hundred fluttering moths when he tried to chase them away. One of the moth men was taller than the rest, with red eyes instead of yellow. One of them touched the porch light and attempted to steal it, before they fled, and Mr Mystery is offering to sell the light for five hundred dollars. It was the one with the red eyes, if that sweetens the deal for any of you folks.  
If anybody is interested, contact Stanford Pines at the Mystery Shack. It's out near the used car lot. If you contact him by phone, calls will be a dollar per minute, charged to your account.

Two new kids came into town yesterday afternoon. Who are they? Why are they here? What do they want from us? Why their identical appearance? Why the girl's garish sweaters, why the boy's odd-looking birthmark? When interviewed, the boy simply mumbled something incoherently and scuffed his sneakers on the ground. The girl responded that they are here to explore. Well, we have all been explorers at some time in our lives. But why this summer? Why the sleepy town of Gravity Falls, Oregon? And just what will they be doing up at where they will be staying - with Stanford Pines at the Mystery Shack of earlier conversation?

I would like to post a reminder to all parents and guardians: when letting your children play out by the lake, don't forget to teach them what the things they see mean, and when those things are a sign of ominous peril and that they should run home.  
If they are playing on the banks of Gravity Falls lake, they may run into giant teeth embedded in the dirt. I asked Tate Mcgucket, worker at the lakeside store and boat rental, what to do in such an event. He simply snarled in a low voice: "Listen up - you see bubbles on that lake, run." and then proceeded to try and wrestle my tape recorder from my hands. So there you have it, folks.

If they see a helicopter, they should try and determine who it belongs to and what their intentions are. Red and white, with no visible logo? That's the hospital a little ways out of town. Nothing to worry about, though it could mean that you have been injured and everything you have seen has been a vivid hallucination.

Black with the logo of an hawk's head in white chalk? That's the US government, the branch that, for some ridiculous reason, is trying to investigate paranormal activity in Gravity Falls. They aren't dangerous, per se, but your children had best make themselves scarce nonetheless.

Is the helicopter green with large wings, a short tail, yellow headlights and no blades? That's not a helicopter. It is a vast creature of reptilian origin, from whence it came is unknown and where it is going is preferably not thought about. Run. Run immediately and pray it does not follow your path home.

This afternoon, Gravity Falls High School were practising for a hockey match against Bly Secondary school when a small wooden outhouse appeared in the middle of the gymnasium, having disappeared from a roadside. The door swung open and the outhouse emitted a high-pitched whining noise, before sucking a little over a third of the hockey players in and disappearing again. These have been famously dubbed "portal potties" and are apparently becoming an increasingly common occurrence around town.

It is unknown when the students are expected to return. When interviewed and asked this question, Wendy Corduroy stated: "I dunno, man. The outhouses just sorta do that sometimes - keeps happening around the Mystery Shack too. If you pay fifty bucks you're allowed a look inside. Any ways, tell people not to worry about it. Nobody really liked Steve anyway. It's a shame that Rick was taken though - he was okay, for a lab partner."

The new children visiting the town were present at the weekly meeting earlier. I have found out that their names are Dipper and Mabel, the latter of whom inquired as to how many cute boys are present in the town. I was unfortunately unable to give her an estimate, as I was being interrogated by the former and being told that we are the most scientifically community in the US. He showed me a journal in which there were notes in the Portal Potties of this afternoon. With this information, a guide to the new potential threat will be released soon. Finally, Abuelita Ramirez brought scones to the meeting, which were rather appetising, but a little dry without jam. She claimed that her jam had disappeared in the night - along with everybody else's, strangely enough.

The Mystery Shack gift shop is now selling badges, bumper stickers and sweaters in recognition of the recent Moth Man sighting. These read: FOREST ODDITIES: Moth Men at the Mystery Shack! Admission $19.99 on weekdays, special discount on weekends - then only $19.98! I have asked Stan Pines how all of that fit onto a badge or a bumper sticker - he responded by glancing around shiftily and whispering "I made it work." What this may mean is something I do not know and most likely do not want to. To order a badge, bumper sticker or sweater, send your Mystery Shack Goodies order form to the Mystery Shack, Gopher Road, 97041. Postage is only $2 to send a form off, $12 dollars to receive your reply.

And now, dear listeners, the weather.

"Spirit of Dust" - Oysterband

I have just been informed that Dipper and Mabel Pines were spotted not five minutes ago being pursued by a huge, vaguely gnome-shaped creature. Much like the small figures seen in the forest, which as a result can now be confirmed as gnomes, it has a large pointy red hat, red boots and a naturally warlike disposition. Unlike the gnomes seen in the new part of the forest, it is about fifteen feet tall, causes the earth to shake when it walks (even more so when it runs, as it has been doing) and has razor sharp claws, also made of gnomes.

It has missed the central part of town in its chase, so for anybody listening to this broadcast out and about, do not fear - you can continue your daily errands without coming to bodily harm. Heed not the roars in the distance, heed not the shrill screams - all is quiet, nothing terrible or tragic is happening to our latest visitors, and you are hallucinating such things due to the intense heat.

The raccoon tracker has promised to follow the creature, quite probably to his grisly demise, and find out what it is up to before he gets back to building his giant robot. He claims that his raccoons are genius animals with the high platform of intelligence needed to do so, and that if the Pines twins are in danger he will assist them. Of course, nobody really responded because it's difficult to take anybody seriously when they say all this while having a domestic dispute with their wife - who is also a raccoon.

Lights. Seen in the sky above Greasy's diner. Not street lights. Not aeroplane lights, even. Not the lights of the government helicopters who spy on our yards while we attempt to sleep. Something stronger, higher. Sometimes they are in a loose "X" formation. Every colour there is, or with no colour at all.   
Invaders from another world? It probably wouldn't be the first time.

I will provide updates on the gnome incident as soon as there is any further information.

Good night, Gravity Falls. Goodnight.

Today's proverb: OBKBKYBO QEB IFDEQP. QEBV XOB JLQ TEXQ QEBV PBBK.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the way things were worded and some content was based off of the Night Vale podcast.


End file.
